One Week Later

In my last post I shared my response to the Mormon Churches new policy of excluding children of LGBTQ couples from Gospel ordinances as a way to protect them and not cause division between families.I don’t think they knew the ramifications of this decision but they are definitely feeling it now. Estimations are that thousands have put in their name from removal of the records of the Church. Many of these are people who essentially left already but like me, didn’t want to play the name removal game. But visiting some forums that I’m a part of I have seen many many people stating that this decision tied it for them. They will never return to the Mormon Church and they will not have their name associated with a Church that would exclude innocent children like this. The aftershocks of this are going to be felt for months and years to come.

It’s been a week since the policy change was announced and I’m in a much different place. I feel like over the course of 4 days I went through all the stages of a grief. It was a quite a roller coaster ride! I never knew I could feel so much, so passionately, so deeply, so quickly. I cried off and on for days. It consumed every thought, waking and sleeping, when I could sleep at all. By Monday I was sick. I had a headache for 3 days straight. I couldn’t go on like this for much longer. I knew something had to give and I had to just let it all go. It was time for the Mormon Church to be a part of my past and no longer part of my present or future. I prayed Monday as I fell asleep for God to take the pain, the heartbreak, the sorrow, the fear. And He did. I woke up Tuesday feeling peace, something I hadn’t felt for days. I knew without a doubt that I was making the right decision to officially leave the Mormon Church and no longer allow it or it’s policy to control any part of my life. I feel ready to move on. I will always look back on my time as a Mormon with fondness. I learned so much there and the lessons I learned helped to shape the person that I am today. I will always love the people who were in my life then and I hope that I will have them in my life forever, although I know some of them may decide they can’t have me in their lives due to my positions on homosexuality and other doctrines and policies of the Church. That is their decision and I wish them well as they move on in their life.

Growing up I remember hearing this song sung at the end of General Conference sessions and it always brought tears to my eyes. I think it will remain one of my favorite songs for the rest of my life. I leave it here today as a prayer: a prayer for peace, for healing, for understanding, for love, for tolerance. Amen.

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